Over the weekend, Justin Bieber partook in his absolute favorite pastime. No, not egging houses or disappointing his fans or riding a skateboard terribly. I’m talking about sharing a photo of his bare ass on social media. He does it a lot, actually. This time the naked butt was on a camping trip.
First he shared this photo on Instagram of himself sleeping with nature. Isn’t he cute when he sleeps? Cute in the sense that he’s not causing mayhem, of course. He should just sleep all the time, 24/7. Like sci-fi movie cryosleep, I mean. For as long as it takes all of us to die so we don’t have to deal with him when he wakes up. Surprisingly, though, he doesn’t appear to have caused a forest fire or driven a beloved woodland species to extinction, even when he was awake. So that’s good.
Then came the butt photo, which Justin shared with the caption, “Dat ass doe @johnny photo cred.” Okay, but can you say that about your own ass doe? Are you even allowed? Isn’t that against the rules? I mean, the fact that you’re sharing a photo of your bare ass on Instagram pretty much implies that you’re already thinking “dat ass doe” about your own ass. Actually writing it is overkill, wouldn’t you say?
Also, I don’t want to imply anything here, but that photo was taken by Justin’s male friend. Two bros on a camping trip together, taking their clothes off and snapping pictures of each other’s naked asses? Sure sounds a lot like Brokeback Mountain to me. Hey, look, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just saying. If he starts standing up segway rides with Selena Gomez to “go fishing,” we’ll know what that means.