While hanging out with fans who have paid good money for a VIP experience during his Purpose tour apparently leaves Justin Bieber “mentally and emotionally exhausted to the point of depression,” hanging out with famous rappers like Bieber superfan Kanye West apparently has the opposite effect. Because while he canceled all meet-and-greets, he didn’t cancel his prayer session with Yeezy backstage at Wednesday night’s show at the Staples Center.
Justin posted the above Instagram photo yesterday, adding the caption, “Uncle puff and Yeezy giving thanks to Jesus.” If you’re wondering who Uncle Puff is, no it’s not a euphemism for marijuana. I mean, it could be, but in this case it refers to Diddy, or P. Diddy, or Puff Daddy, or whatever the hell he calls himself now, who was also there. Justin’s babysitter Scooter Braun was there too, as was the spirit of Tupac, thanks to Justin’s shirt.
As soon as I saw this picture, I wondered what each of the people depicted might be thinking, so I went ahead and wrote down my best guesses for each of them.
Justin Bieber: Thank you Jesus for sticking by me that time I egged that guy’s house, and also for that time I peed in a mop bucket, and also that time I abandoned my monkey, and also that time I got a DUI, and also that time I almost hit someone with a four-wheeler, and also for all the stuff I’m still planning to do that the haterz won’t like. Also for this bandana. So glad you’re a Belieber, amen.
Kanye West: Dear Jesus, you did a lot of dope shit for the world, and I’mma let you finish, but I made the greatest album of all time! Also, my wife wanted me to ask you if you’ll help her lose 30 pounds. Like, tonight.
Scooter Braun: Jesus, please let Justin’s milk and cookies be the right temperature tonight. He throws such a tantrum when it’s wrong.
Diddy: What am I even doing here? No, really. I don’t want to be here. Is this a punishment for something? Why can’t I just go home and ? Is this because I’m always changing my name? I’ll stick to one, I promise. Just let me leave!